We recently wrote an article called “14 Useful iPhone Applications for Women” which described some iPhone apps that a female writer and iPhone user thought would be useful for women. However, many commenters (probably in an attempt at humor) responded that this article was sexist. Apparently, choosing applications that target women more than men is sexist. Perhaps it’s not clear, but men and women are different. So while not all of the applications are useful for every woman, those apps are targetted mainly towards women. (Sure men can use them too, but statistically, women are the primary users of those 14 apps.)
That being said, we figured we should make a list of extremely sexist and stereotypic apps for men, to really show what sexist is. Read on for 20 apps with screenshots and descriptions.
by Medical Productions
Category: Healthcare & Fitness
Since every man’s a meat head and needs to work out every single day to survive, here’s one of the two best workout apps in the App Store. iFitness tells you what to do, tells you how to do it, lets you track your routine, and more. This is the perfect app for working on your muscles…since you’re a man, and that’s what you like to do.
2. PickUp Lines
by Ronald Bell
by Bump Technologies LLC
Category: Social Networking
Since all men are into cars, and all men love speed…all men speed when driving. And since men always speed, they need Trapster to keep them ticket free. Trapster is a popular online service that brings together a community of drivers toward one common goal: sharing speed trap and red light camera locations. The service, which has nearly one million subscribers, can be found at www.trapster.com.
6. Occasions (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Push Notifications, and more!)
by Hand Carved Code, LLC
All men have terrible memory and fail to remember birthdays, anniversaries, and other important events. That’s why every man needs Occasions, an app that utilizes Push Notification to give you a heads up about important occasions that you enter ahead of time. The question remains…will you remember to enter all the necessary occasions?
7. Bikini Blast
by Smartphone Technologies, Inc.
Do I even need to say anything?
by Sheryl Apps
9. How To Videos From Howcast.com
Since all men do things themselves and never ever ask a more knowledgable person for help, How To Videos is a must have app for every man. In the extremely rare case that you don’t know how to do something, simply say you’re going to go to the bathroom, grab your iPhone, and secretly open How To Videos from Howcast.com (don’t forget your headphones.) When you come out, you’ll be fully informed and your reputation for knowing everything (a.k.a being male) will hold.
Occasionally something may happen that can make you seem less than manly. Perhaps your friends walked in on you listening to Sting with a candle on. Right before they start laughing and sharing the news, simply pull out your iPhone and open iBeer. Start drinking. Your credibility will be redeemed instantly.
Men love guns. There are no men in the world in favor of gun control. Every man is smart enough to realize that gun control is stupid. That’s why every man needs a fake gun on his iPhone, in case his real gun isn’t around to play with. With iHandgun, you can virtually shoot a few different handguns.
12. ESPN ScoreCenter
One time I met a man who didn’t like sports, but then I realized it was just a female in a man-costume. It’s a law of nature that every man should know the score of every game of every sport at any time. Whether it’s MLB, NBA, NFL, PGA, NHL, etc…it’s all there, in real time, on the ESPN ScoreCenter app.
by WTLP Diversions
Men pride themselves in their barbecuing skills. Steak, the king of food, is the male’s specialty. That’s why you, a man, need iSteak in order to cook the perfect steak. This app will keep you from over/under cooking the meat. It even let’s you keep track of each steak individually, just in case Joe wanted medium-rare and Bill wanted well done. Track up to 8 steaks at once.
14. Fishing Calendar
by SIS Software
Men love the outdoors. I have never met a man who doesn’t like to fish, hunt, and hike. That’s why every man needs to know the optimal time to fish every single day…even if he’s not going fishing. That’s right. Let’s say you’re at Dunkin Donuts getting coffee and someone says, “Hmmm, I wonder when the best time to catch rainbow trout is today.” You can now go one of two ways. Either you can say, “Based on the sun and moon the optimal time will be somewhere between 7AM and 1PM.” Or you can just stand there and keep your mouth shut, but now have everybody in your vicinity question your manliness.
15. DVR Remote
by Stutsman Software
16. iFart Mobile
by InfoMedia, Inc.
All men love flatulent humor, so iFart Mobile is a must have. The app does exactly what you’d expect, and more. Lots of fart sounds, recording capablities, and more. You can even set the phone so that as soon as someone picks it up the phone will let out a fart. It’s comedy at it’s best.
17. AntiSnore – The Snore Killer
by Signs Studios
18. iSamurai Bluetooth: Real Life Sword Fight
by Toy Kite Software
Those two guys in the pic above are true men – fighting at every opportunity. Everyone knows swordfighting is the ultimate demonstration of one’s manhood. With iSamurai, you’ll be mixing the virtual with the real by using your iPhone as a sword. Your two iPhones will be connected via bluetooth.
19. Period Tracker Companion For Men
by GP Apps
Category: Healthcare & Fitness
All men fear that week. With this application, you’ll be able to keep track of the days on your iPhone. That way, you’ll be able to brace yourself. The app syncs wirelessly with your partner’s Period Tracker app so that you have the dates marked off. The developers claim “Period Tracker Companion is the perfect app for anyone who would love to know exactly what time of month you want to be a little extra nice and special to your partner.” What it should say is, “Period Tracker Companion is the perfect app for anyone who would love to know exactly what time of month you should rent a hotel room for yourself.”
20. Fantasy Football Cheatsheet
by 290 Design, LLC
There is no exception to the rule that men love fantasy football. This application features 400 ranked players compiled from top fantasy football resources. You can view the players in a top 100 view or by position. There are a bunch of features in this application that greatly enhance your fantasy football team.
There it is men. Now when you have your male companions over for a beef jerky eating contest filled with beer, strippers, and fighting (an activity every real man does every single day of the week) you’ll have these 20 apps to show off. And yes, real men are tech savvy enough to know about iPhone apps.
PS: Yes, this is a parody.