20 Sexist iPhone Apps For Men

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We recently wrote an article called “14 Useful iPhone Applications for Women” which described some iPhone apps that a female writer and iPhone user thought would be useful for women. However, many commenters (probably in an attempt at humor) responded that this article was sexist. Apparently, choosing applications that target women more than men is sexist. Perhaps it’s not clear, but men and women are different. So while not all of the applications are useful for every woman, those apps are targetted mainly towards women. (Sure men can use them too, but statistically, women are the primary users of those 14 apps.)

That being said, we figured we should make a list of extremely sexist and stereotypic apps for men, to really show what sexist is. Read on for 20 apps with screenshots and descriptions. 

1. iFitness

by Medical Productions

Category: Healthcare & Fitness

Price: $1.99

App Store Link

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Since every man’s a meat head and needs to work out every single day to survive, here’s one of the two best workout apps in the App Store. iFitness tells you what to do, tells you how to do it, lets you track your routine, and more. This is the perfect app for working on your muscles…since you’re a man, and that’s what you like to do. 

2. PickUp Lines

by Ronald Bell

Category: Entertainment

Price: $0.99

App Store Link

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Since men are all hounds, they’ve all gotta have access to pick up lines no matter where they are. You might be thinking, “Well why not just memorize a few?” Well that’d be great, but unfortunately, men have almost no memory (which is why they always fail to remember the anniversary date.) With PickUp Lines, men will always be ready to approach women with the confidence of knowing that they have a wide array of pick up lines at their fingertips. Just remember guys, while reading them to a lady, make sure you sound natural (like David Letterman) rather than sounding like you’re reading off of a screen (like Jay Leno.) 

3. Bump

by Bump Technologies LLC

Category: Social Networking 

Price: Free

App Store Link

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Since all men have an uncontrollable need to bump fists and call each other bro every time any sort of mutual success occurs, this iPhone app is a must. With Bump, just hold your iPhone in your fist, and bump fists like usual with another iPhone holder. The app trades contact info as soon as you bump. It’s great for guys, since they all have a hard time asking each other for phone numbers. 

4. FanFinder

by SportsFanLive.com

Category: Sports

Price: Free

App Store Link

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Every man loves sports, and every man loves bars. That’s why, obviously, every man likes sports bars. Fanfinder locates sports bars around you where fans of your favorite teams are watching the games. Since all men make friends solely on the basis of whether or not they are fans of the same sports team, this app is necessary for men to thrive socially.

5. Trapster

by Trapster.com

Category: Travel

Price: Free

App Store Link

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Since all men are into cars, and all men love speed…all men speed when driving. And since men always speed, they need Trapster to keep them ticket free. Trapster is a popular online service that brings together a community of drivers toward one common goal: sharing speed trap and red light camera locations. The service, which has nearly one million subscribers, can be found at www.trapster.com.

6. Occasions (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Push Notifications, and more!)

by Hand Carved Code, LLC

Category: Lifestyle

Price: $0.99

App Store Link

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All men have terrible memory and fail to remember birthdays, anniversaries, and other important events. That’s why every man needs Occasions, an app that utilizes Push Notification to give you a heads up about important occasions that you enter ahead of time. The question remains…will you remember to enter all the necessary occasions?

7. Bikini Blast

by Smartphone Technologies, Inc.

Category: Lifestyle

Price: $0.99

App Store Link

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Do I even need to say anything? 

 

8. iStrip

by Sheryl Apps

Category: Lifestyle

Price: $0.99

App Store Link



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iStrip is a simple app with a simple function. Select one of the models, and tilt your phone down to make her strip. Unfortunately, there’s only five models, which limits the total use of this app to a 1 time usage of about 3 minutes. It’s great to impress your friends that don’t have an iPhone.

9. How To Videos From Howcast.com

by Howcast

Category: Lifestyle

Price: Free

App Store Link

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Since all men do things themselves and never ever ask a more knowledgable person for help, How To Videos is a must have app for every man. In the extremely rare case that you don’t know how to do something, simply say you’re going to go to the bathroom, grab your iPhone, and secretly open How To Videos from Howcast.com (don’t forget your headphones.) When you come out, you’ll be fully informed and your reputation for knowing everything (a.k.a being male) will hold.

10. iBeer

by Hottrix

Category: Entertainment

Price: $0.99

App Store Link

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Occasionally something may happen that can make you seem less than manly. Perhaps your friends walked in on you listening to Sting with a candle on. Right before they start laughing and sharing the news, simply pull out your iPhone and open iBeer. Start drinking. Your credibility will be redeemed instantly.

11. iHandgun

by Kaoru 

Category: Entertainment

Price: Free

App Store Link

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Men love guns. There are no men in the world in favor of gun control. Every man is smart enough to realize that gun control is stupid. That’s why every man needs a fake gun on his iPhone, in case his real gun isn’t around to play with. With iHandgun, you can virtually shoot a few different handguns.

12. ESPN ScoreCenter

by ESPN

Category: Sports

Price: Free

App Store Link

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One time I met a man who didn’t like sports, but then I realized it was just a female in a man-costume. It’s a law of nature that every man should know the score of every game of every sport at any time. Whether it’s MLB, NBA, NFL, PGA, NHL, etc…it’s all there, in real time, on the ESPN ScoreCenter app.

 

13. iSteak

by WTLP Diversions

Category: Lifestyle

Price: $1.99

App Store Link

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Men pride themselves in their barbecuing skills. Steak, the king of food, is the male’s specialty. That’s why you, a man, need iSteak in order to cook the perfect steak. This app will keep you from over/under cooking the meat. It even let’s you keep track of each steak individually, just in case Joe wanted medium-rare and Bill wanted well done. Track up to 8 steaks at once.

14. Fishing Calendar

by SIS Software 

Category: Weather

Price: $3.99

App Store Link

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Men love the outdoors. I have never met a man who doesn’t like to fish, hunt, and hike. That’s why every man needs to know the optimal time to fish every single day…even if he’s not going fishing. That’s right. Let’s say you’re at Dunkin Donuts getting coffee and someone says, “Hmmm, I wonder when the best time to catch rainbow trout is today.” You can now go one of two ways. Either you can say, “Based on the sun and moon the optimal time will be somewhere between 7AM and 1PM.” Or you can just stand there and keep your mouth shut, but now have everybody in your vicinity question your manliness. 

15. DVR Remote

by Stutsman Software

Category: Utilities

Price: $2.99

App Store Link

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Men love remotes more than they love their own children. Remotes connect us to god’s holiest creation…the television. With DVR Remote, you’ll be able to control your TiVo without even reaching for the remote, because the remote will be right on your iPhone. Other remote apps include iTunes Remote, VLC Remote, and lots more (just search “Remote” in iTunes.)

16. iFart Mobile

by InfoMedia, Inc.

Category: Entertainment

Price: $0.99

App Store Link

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All men love flatulent humor, so iFart Mobile is a must have. The app does exactly what you’d expect, and more. Lots of fart sounds, recording capablities, and more. You can even set the phone so that as soon as someone picks it up the phone will let out a fart. It’s comedy at it’s best.


17. AntiSnore – The Snore Killer

by Signs Studios

Category: Medical

Price: $2.99

App Store Link

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Men do not sleep silently – they snore all night, regardless of age. AntiSnore is an alleged snore killing iPhone app that helps shut you up. The app analyzes your noises, and vibrates when you exceed a certain sound level. The vibration, an unpleasant sound, allegedly causes you to unconsciously stop snoring. Sounds good in principle, probably doesn’t work that well in reality. 

18. iSamurai Bluetooth: Real Life Sword Fight

by Toy Kite Software 

Category: Games

Price: $0.99

App Store Link

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Those two guys in the pic above are true men – fighting at every opportunity. Everyone knows swordfighting is the ultimate demonstration of one’s manhood. With iSamurai, you’ll be mixing the virtual with the real by using your iPhone as a sword. Your two iPhones will be connected via bluetooth. 

19. Period Tracker Companion For Men 

by GP Apps

Category: Healthcare & Fitness

Price: $0.99

App Store Link

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All men fear that week. With this application, you’ll be able to keep track of the days on your iPhone. That way, you’ll be able to brace yourself. The app syncs wirelessly with your partner’s Period Tracker app so that you have the dates marked off. The developers claim “Period Tracker Companion is the perfect app for anyone who would love to know exactly what time of month you want to be a little extra nice and special to your partner.” What it should say is, “Period Tracker Companion is the perfect app for anyone who would love to know exactly what time of month you should rent a hotel room for yourself.”

20. Fantasy Football Cheatsheet

by 290 Design, LLC

Category: Sports

Price: $1.99

App Store Link

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There is no exception to the rule that men love fantasy football. This application features 400 ranked players compiled from top fantasy football resources. You can view the players in a top 100 view or by position. There are a bunch of features in this application that greatly enhance your fantasy football team. 

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There it is men. Now when you have your male companions over for a beef jerky eating contest filled with beer, strippers, and fighting (an activity every real man does every single day of the week) you’ll have these 20 apps to show off. And yes, real men are tech savvy enough to know about iPhone apps.

PS: Yes, this is a parody.

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