Antenna-donitis: How Apple Tech Reps Are Supposed To Troubleshoot The i4′s Reception Glitch

Boy Genius Report got their hands on an internal memo sent to AppleCares techs, coaching them on how to handle calls complaining about the iPhone 4's don't-hold-it-that-way antenna/reception problems.  It's an inadvertently funny combo of blatant propaganda (they're encouraged to repeat "The iPhone 4‚Äôs wireless performance is the best we have ever shipped.
Our testing shows that iPhone 4’s overall antenna performance is better
than iPhone 3GS") and stern admonitions ("We ARE NOT appeasing customers with free bumpers – DON’T
promise a free bumper to customers").  Basically, it's a baffle-'em-with-bullsh*t manifesto worthy of Richard Nixon's second term in the Oval Office, and every current i4 user should look to the heavens and sigh "We are so screwed."